Because of the type of person I am, all of my 20 years I have been
used by men for just their sexual fantasy's.
And after all I've been through, I'm very proud of myself for still
standing and be the hopeful person I am.

Recently, I got into a relationship with this man.
Being n the circumstances I am under, I found him through
a website.

We met, we hit it off and everything just seemed fine. Because of
my past, I kept in on a short leash. Nothing too controlling.
Weeks went by and we became very sexually intimate.
There was no real talk about us being in a serious relationship because
I just assumed both of us were on the same page with each other.

Turns out, he didn't see me the way I saw him.
That was fine, I'm a very workable person. But I let him know
that if we're just two people still in the talking stages, then that means
our sexually relationship has to slow down. He was very understanding
and we continued.

But I still had my doubts and fears.
In the mist of a depression episode, I sought out to test him.
I went back to the website where we had met and made a fake AD.
It broke my heart that he replied to the fake AD WHILE he was talking
to me and I was pouring my heart out. We were in the middle of trying to
make our relationship better.

I confronted him and he began his sorry excuses. Telling me about how he's a man and he has needs (mind you, I've been attending to his every need, to a point where we even planned and had a threesome with a close friend of mine which was a huge fantasy for him.)

He tells me he truly cares about me. That all that doesn't really matter to
him. I can understand what he's trying to say but it just makes no sense.
There's no need for him to go behind my back to get some cheap *** when
i'm a very open minded person and I've told him i'm willing to working with you and his sexual needs.

So now, this just brings everything from my past into play.
I'm stuck and I'm not sure if he's now just saying things like "i care about you" just to keep me around for his sexual needs like the others. I've been
told everything in the book and its still hard for me to tell weather a man
is being honest or lying to my face.

I gave him another chance to improve because I have hope in him, in us.
Of course I will continue to test him because he already lost the little trust
i had for him.

But should I continue? Or am I just setting myself up for another heart break disaster?
At the moment, I feel very a lone with all the things I'm going thru, and his
company seems to be the only thing keeping my spirits up.
But I don't want to keep him around because I feel vulnerable, I have
to much self-respect for that.

I just feel stuck.