Zoo.... For me things came and still sometimes come in waves. One minute it felt like I was drowning and would never survive. Then as some point my body would crash and the memories and flashbacks would just stop and I would realize..."hey I've got a pulse, still breathing, I'm OK." You've taken a leap of faith and are now on the roller coaster ride. As treehouse stated... things get better. Its not a linear progression for sure but things will get better. It sounds like you have prepared yourself with some good tools for coping, keep using them. AND as easy as it is to do try NOT to beat yourself up for struggling....It IS going to work and the healing and inner strength you WILL gain through the process will be worth it.