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Try free associating about your own experiences. It might be helpful in resolving your issues, without touching upon hers.
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Thank you billiej, you touch on an important aspect of all this~~that I avoid looking in by looking out. It is a defense. I try and I want to free associate in therapy, but I don't often. I just can't seem to think freely and the the thoughts flow when I am in there, as I can easily do when I am not in there.