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Originally Posted by BlueMoon6
I think it was just his way to process silently, while all I did was cry. Maybe the key here to our relationship, and I guess with any, is understanding and acceptance, not necessarily that one person should act like or do as the other person would.
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Yes!!! Exactly!!! You each have your own way of dealing with it and they are both okay!
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMoon6
KT- My husband is the same way, if I complain or talk about a difficulty with something, his reaction is to do something about it or he assumes I am doing something about it- like you with the job conversation. He doesnt understand why I would need to vent, he has even said, well, if there isnt anything you caqn do about it, why are you talking about it! When I tell him that I just need to talk about it and get out my feelings, he seems puzzled and says, Oh, OK. LOL!
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Yes, men overall want to minimize their problems or fix them right away. Women just need to vent. I read this book by Deborah Tannen, "You Just Don't Understand" where she explains this. My husband did the same thing. I just explained this to him and he adjusted how he responded to me (he needed reminding sometimes).
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Originally Posted by BlueMoon6
About pointing it out to myself that I am seeing my H from my vantage point. He surprises me, sometimes I wonder if my vantage point matters at all. It seems not to. I can get it SO wrong. He has been very lovey dovey lately, sending me lovely emails and e-cards  I never would have suspected that he felt that way from the way he had been behaving the week before. He was stressed? It wasnt about me? It had nothing to do with me? My vantage point...again....a very wrong vantage point  |
You don't know why someone does something unless you ask them and they explain. For myself, after I got it wrong everytime! (Making my assumptions of why someone did something) I finally stopped doing this and now I don't know unless I ask them. I have been on the receiving end of this too. I have a neighbor who assumed all sorts of stuff about why I did a few things. She was very wrong! She projected all sorts of negative things onto me!