Depressed Dear....I can sooo relate to your feelings re the holidays.I have been pretending for years! The last best Christmas, believe it or not was in 1999 after my sister completed suicide on the 17th of Dec. I made reservations and took my daughter to ashville for xmass eve and day. We had a beautiful time. I guess the reason I am telling you this is that , if possible, do something totally different this year. Get out of town. Or volunteer time to one of the many charities needing help. whatever.....a change in the same ole routine can make a difference. Good luck and keep posting!