I'm just... I don't know, I really don't know at all what I'm doing with this anymore. I mean, I don't know if I want to fix this, assuming it needs fixing, or if it even needs fixing, or if I just want to ignore this completely and it'll go away after a while... I don't know what I'm really feeling anymore. Or if I'm feeling anything anymore. I can be happy, whatever that means, I mean, I do enjoy having fun, but it's getting harder and harder to do, it seems, and I don't know why. It's like, the "happiness", the fun, it only lasts a short while, and then there seems to be no point to having it in the first place, which makes it harder to enjoy it, I guess... maybe I'm just being whiny. I have no reason, NO reason at all, to feel this way. I mean, I really have it good. I have a family who loves me, a house, food, friends--it could always be so much worse. I went to the Philippines this past summer, saw where my dad grew up, saw all the poverty, and it made me so much more thankful for what I do have. I SHOULDN'T be feeling this way, especially since I have so much to be thankful for, and when I get to this point I feel guilty for being here--I have no reason to be here. So then WHY do I feel this way?? The "feelings" must not be real, since there's no real reason for them, right???
ah, whatever, I have no friggin idea what I'm talking about...