((((((((DD))))))) Gee, if you guys want, you can come out here, we have 180 acres of fir trees in various stages of growth. Bring your own tinsel and lights... We don't have reindeer this far south, but we do have moose and LOTS of wild pigs....
Babbling aside, fantastic that you found what was triggering you. Sounds like a serious talk is needed and a serious foot - putting down, or putting down of the foot or however that works. Little wonder that christmas send s shivers of dread down your spine.
I'm kind of the opposite. I MIGHT mop the floor for Christmas and it MIGHT be noticeable Huggs and may the holiday season bring you happiness, whether you celebrate it traditionally or not.