Exactly! I have had others tell me to be more thankful, and I really AM but I still have these feelings. When asked if I want to fix it, I just reply "I don't know.." It makes them really frustrated, so eventually I just pretend to be happy and I stop reaching out for help. It sounds like the apathetic feelings are similar to feeling numb about the whole thing? (correct me if I'm wrong) I can't tell you the reason why you feel these things, even when you know that you "have it good" and should be really grateful. In my experience, hating yourself for having these feelings just leads to more self-hate. Maybe if you just accept that you feel this way and that it's OK to be a little selfish, you can try to figure out "why". I know it's confusing, but maybe you should spend some time reflecting on your feelings so you can understand yourself. After you know what you feel and why (or want to figure out why) then maybe you can talk to a therapist?