Everyday seems to be a struggle with this damn disease...constant headaches...neckaches...lack of modivation...always worrying the ngoext big one is right around the corner...always reminded of it...medications I hate to take, but have found out the hard way to stay on them. I used to have good memories .... now those have been replaced by the times that things were awful.....dreadful...scary...oh how I wish things were different...happy....joyful....loving....a future to look forward too....I try to break away from it all....but feels like Im dragging a ten ton ball...nobody to talk to about it.....no support groups here....family don't understand....loved ones who can't put up with it anymore....feel like crying....look forward to sleep...escape...alcohol.....got to get it all together....can't head down that path again.....sorry for all the negatives....just been building up inside of me....needed to vent. take care all.........artichack