Thanks ((((((((((pcfriends))))))))))))

T e-mailed and asked if we could talk at 7:15 tonight. I was really torn. I felt so untrusting of him, and like I would just be wasting his time making him talk to me. But at the same time, I wanted to try to be brave and trust and reconnect. I finally agreed to talk on the phone...

So, I had to run to Whole Foods (actually looking for natural suppliments to help with depression) and while I was there I picked up a spiritual book that is relevant to my spiritual path. I was done at about 7 and I went and sat in the dark parking lot and read my new book. I felt SO PEACEFUL. I think that sometimes my life is so chaotic - since I homeschool my three boys I am with them ALL THE TIME and I really don't have quiet, "alone" time unless I am literally sitting in therapy. But reading the book in the dark parking lot and having that space just quieted down all of the spiraly stuff in my head. I was able to step back and see all of the hundreds? thousands? of times that T has clearly shown that he cares about me, and I knew that this was all a stupid mistake and I really can still trust him.

So, T called at 7:15, probably expecting stressed-out, distrustful me, and he got "I am reading a spiritual book in the Whole Foods parking lot and I feel SOOO much better!". lol We talked for about 20 minutes. He was very present (sometimes phone calls are tricky) and it was easy to talk about why I had been so triggered, and about where I am on my path, and about us. He said that there is NO way he could do what he does - leave me messages, call me tonight, etc. etc. etc. if his feelings for me weren't true and genuine and real. NO way. I believed him.

So, I am feeling better, and I see him on Thursday. And I guess I learned a little something about finding ways to get away for a bit to be quiet with myself. I think I was supposed to be working on that anyway after I was so sick in October, but I am a slooooooow learner...