Hi, dear Grace02,
Many of us can empathize with what you are going thru here. We are here to help each other and I encourage you to keep reading and posting your thoughts and feelings.
You are in the stages of grief right now, and it is a long hard road, but there IS light at the end of the tunnel, dear girl.
I have received much helpful advice and caring interactions from the members of here and it has helped me heal in ways I could not have done myself.
Loving thoughts,
Seeker