I used to be really self destructive when I was younger. Males tend to abuse alcohol and drugs where females tend to cut I read some where once. I would drink to excess and have black outs. I had 2 DUIs within 6 months of each other. I OD and almost died a half a dozen times on Heroin.
Some of my friends used to joke that I wouldn't live to be 30. When I was about 26 the psychiatrist that I was seeing decided it would be a good idea for me to go through the detox program that the hospital had. I was upset about that and I asked him if he thought that I was an alcoholic. He was always real honest with me and said,"No, but I do think that you are trying to kill yourself." I just looked at him like what are you talking about. Later, when I was going through the detox program I started thinking about the drunk driving and the times that I OD on Heroin and I came to the conclusion that my psychiatrist was right; unconsciously I was trying to kill myself. Another psychiatrist was lecturing to us drunks in the detox ward and said that some times anger is guilt turned outward. Sometimes instead of turning the anger outward we turn it inward towards ourselves and become self destructive. I know now why I was feeling guilty and I have come to accept myself because I am only human like everyone else.
I will soon be 58 and I have been clean and sober for a long time now.
If I can help you guys further in anyway please feel free to reply or PM me for more details. Kind regards, Shoe
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Originally Posted by tammy821
i feel terrible today. i recently gave up alchol, drugs, smoking, and sex at all once because one of my friends asked me to be his girlfriend. i didn it mostly for him, but in turn its going to help me and i know it. i used to cut all the time, i have ragged scars on my legs and the inside of my elbows. i cut for the pain, not because i wanted to kill myslef, i felt like i deserved to be punished because of hte things that i had done and caused... i always feel worthless, like i am never good enough.
i stopped cutitng a little while back but i just replaced it with sex. i had sex with guys years older than me... that wouldnt be a big problem but i am only 17 years old right now. ive slept with five different men in the last three years, the oldest was a 26 year old. i was only 16.
i know some people are going to look at this and think that im just another teenage sob story because thats what most peopl think when they hear my story. they say thats its not anything that any pther teenage girl has to go through... but i cant handle it. i cant handle all the stress and its killing me... i just started on here so im sorry if i kinda took away some help from you katileena, but i also wanted to let u know that i know what your going through somewhat. though it may not be much coming from some sick teen out there... i know
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