Sometimes a list of what you like about yourself may be useful to belie the negative chatter you use to beat yourself up with.

Resolving why you are so hard on yourself no doubt is important. Although out of context, perhaps this passage from The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck, M.D., may provide a clue:

The feeling of being valuable--"I am a valuable person"-- is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self-discipline. It is a direct product of parental love. Such a conviction must be gained in childhood; it is extremely difficult to acquire it during adulthood. Conversely, when children have learned through the love of their parents to feel valuable, it is almost impossible for the vicissitudes of adulthood to destroy their spirit.

I am not suggesting that your parents have made their love for you subject to a contingency, or that they have a need to live vicariously through your accomplishments. What I do see is a history of your telling them what you think they want to hear, at a great cost to your own well-being. That history makes me wonder why telling your parents the truth is so anathema to you.

As difficult as your life is now, I believe you are making progress in getting everything sorted out. Many are rooting for you. I know I am.

Good luck!