Thanks to the nice replies especially deli and zoo cos it has been helpful.

I have seen T for a few years.
I had to stop seeing her because me her not seeing clients in therapy anymore and age related restrictions.
I was told earlier in the year but T hasn't really helped me process it and despite me crying about it it wasn't really discussed all year.
T told me a few weeks ago that I only had a few weeks left and that I could see her until the end of the year instead of December 1 which is my birthday.
I said I didn't think I could go through with the termination process because there wasn't enough time and emotionally I couldn't do it. I told T that I was feeling suicidal about it and couldn't deal with the termination.
T rang me but I missed the call and on the voice mail T told of the next few appointments that i had.
I didn't attend to preserve and protect myself.
T would have suspected that I wasn't going to come back, but was going on about closure and everything else. Which is why I expected her to call not for attention.