Hello Sas123,

I have to agree with The Byzantine on the Doc....there really is medication that can help you with the depression, and even tho some is trial and error...it does/can make you feel better. And if you think of going to the Doc not for yourself, but for your hubby and your daughter then maybe it will make it easier to go?

And please don't think your 11 yr old doesn't understand. She understands more than you think she does. She understands that her mom isn't happy all the time, or as playful and fun. She understands that there is something wrong. By NOT talking to her and explaining a little bit, she may be confused, scared and blaming herself for what is wrong with you. As adults, we don't give our own kids as much credit as they deserve. You don't have to go into detail, but you can at least explain that Mommy hasn't been feeling good, it's effecting my moods, and it's not her fault. You can ask her to please have patience with you, and that your working on making things better for everyone. Children suffer in silence when they don't know what's going on....I know I did with my mother and her bi-polar. I was always trying to make things better because I thought it was my fault she was the way she was and I was a bad little girl. I know if I had known then, that it wasn't my fault she acted the way she did I wouldn't have felt so alone and scared. And I was only 8.

Please, do go back to the doc....they are there to help. As someone trying to beat the depression demon without meds, ( I'm allergic to some common denominator) it's a hard road. And it's not easy at all. I go weeks with the latest episode lasting the past 3 months. If given the choice...I would be happy to take meds.

And saying a simple " I'm sorry, I didn't mean it" can go a long way with an 11 yr old!