Thanks all for your patience and support, I finally have time to respond.

I took a week off from T last week due to the thanksgiving holiday and me being out of town. With what all had happened between T and I with the email rupture, ( read previous posts) I thought an break would get things back to normal as well. Little did i know what I was in for, My life has completely fallen apart, I lost my job the wednesday before Thanksgiving with no warning and no time for preparation. I now have to go and report the incident and my supervisor to HR along with the faculty member I work for. Aside from the extreme stress of losing my job, i also have to get ready for the GRE, make sure that i don't lose my insurance, and find someway to be OK until I am on my feet again. I am so sad and so scared. I support myself with no parental help.
Anyway, I go to see T last night and things started off well enough. I was able to talk about my vacation which was such an escape for me. I was also excited because I went to a place where T vacations every thanksgiving with her family, so I was so excited to share this with T. I also brought T a souvenir and postcard which included I Love you on it. I NEVER say anything like that to T ever. After T said thank-you for the souvenir, she didn't say much about the card. I was triggered when she was about to throw the wrapping paper away and ALMOST the card with it!!!!!!!!! I kept thinking if I had said too much in the card or if she even liked it. Anyway, T wanted to pull me out of my vacation bubble immediately by delving back into my ED issues and doctors appointments, and work issues. This has been immensely stressful for me. I was very upset because I just wanted to connect with T. i didn't want to get into to any of that last night. I wanted her to be there with me. I wanted a bit of comfort and some drop of nurturing... just a little of something. I felt as if T was not there with me. I even told T that i feel like i just can't get what I need therapy lately and i 'm not even clear what that need is. She just said that maybe it's something we should talk more about. I want so much to go back in time before the email was sent. I felt so much more connected with T in session and wish i could get that back so badly. In session, T and I use to do a bit of art therapy and just do fun therapeutic things. T used to read my poetry all the time and make me feel somewhat special and important. I STILL feel like I'm paying the price for the email sent to T 2 weeks ago. It's not fair. Now, I just get a cold, lonely, abandoned feeling from T, especially now that she has taken email away from me. T mentioned during the email incident that she was being much "too nice" to me thus making it difficult for me to be angry at her. She is now acting so cold and distant making me ALWAYS upset with her. I'm soo tired.... and I need some help.

How do I get my old T back? I miss that T so very much. Where did she go?