TRIG WARNING PETS!

Well, I let angry alter Mick have her requested "face time" with T today.
She talked about when my mom ran over our dog - after we were shouting at her to stop the car! And she did it anyway. That feeling ... urrrrrr.
It was hard because Mick went into flashback mode with feeling that sensation. And wishing it was an abusive parent under the wheel instead.

Anyway, Mick has BPD as well and at the end of session, T said he was honored she / we told him about this. Mick called him a liar. She did it because he asked at the start of session if he had missed anything because he missed one email we sent. He is kind enough to let us even send emails. But Mick latched onto that at insists now that T does not care at all - which is not the truth. Oh and we brought a small stress ball for him = just for the room for others including us to use in therapy if needed - a handheld one. But he said it was not a gift to him. He is right to say this and we logically know it, but Mick latched onto that and then I ended up with a solid punch to the jaw when I got home from her. She is 15 and full of a lot of rage. She said I deserved it for ever trusting him at all. And I was stupid to trust any T or any person after what we have seen in life over and over and over again. Maybe I did deserve it.

I am feeling very lost now. We took the hope stone T gave us that meant the world to us and put it away in a dresser. We had carried it with us since it was given to us. Now there are thoughts going on... just so exhausted with all of it. The whole thing. Every single part. And we just don't know anymore why we even try. Sorry this is a downer. It will be ok... it always is... but had to vent and looks like this is the one and only space I have any trust in at all anymore.