|
Ok, I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. I am 27 years old and have two children. I was emotionally abused by my grandfather all of my life and my father was only around when it was convenient for him, so I have issues when it comes to men talking down to me or abandoning me. I was with my kids father and I did everything humanly possible to destroy the relationship. I lied, I cheated, I was mentally and physically abusive to him. When I feel like he is starting to get too close to me emotionally I do something that hurts him to put a distance between us. The other 3 relationships I've ever had didn't not last past 3 months each because when they got close I shut down which caused them to end it. Even with friendships I distance myself. It's like if someone gets close to me they can hurt me so I have to hurt them before I get hurt. I don't want to be like this anymore because it gets me nowhere but stuck in a cycle of misery. My kids father and I decided to give things another try and I am trying so hard not to fall back into the same pattern but it is hard and I don't know how to overcome it or if I am able to. I love him so much more than I have ever let on to anyone but I've hurt him so much that I don't know if he can ever trust me again. I don't know if we should just cut our loses and move on rather than do each other anymore damage. I just need some outside perspective on the situation. Any advice is welcome.
|