Christina..

What you say is oh so true!! While I do appreciate support groups for COPD most of the people there really are in their 60's or older. It's great for learning what to expect, but then again...not so good. I'm not sure I'm ready to handle having to use oxygen 24/7 just to get dressed or take a shower. I've seriously thought of moving to Oregon!!! I'm scared to death of becoming a burden to my only daughter.

I just can't handle the frustration lately of not being able to do normal things...I try to get the energy to sweep and mop the floors..but can only end up sweeping. I want to go out the Quarter, but by the time I get dressed I'm to exhauseted to go...I want to take a shower and shave all those lovely parts we are supposed to and by the time I'm done with that..I can't wash my hair. <big sigh> When you throw that on top of the lack of energy depression brings...well.....all I end up doing for the most part is sitting in my one room at the computer, with unpacked boxes still sitting around me. I can't even hang pictures on my walls in my new place. I've been here for three months now and STILL have only unpacked things I use everyday simply because I have the attitude of "why bother".

Sheer will power comes over me when I just can't stand the walls closing in anymore and know that I'd be even worse if I don't force myself to do something. I tried yesterday to rework a wreath and by the time I had gotten the old lights off, I was exhausted and ended up taking a 3 hour nap!! So much for putting Christmas up BEFORE Christmas gets here...sheesh.

It's more frustrating for me as I've been in the construction industry for more than 12 years and it was just two years ago that I was lifing 50 lbs of concrete like it was nothing. Or climbing onto a third story roof to paint...Now I'm lucky if I can carry a bag of groceries in the house without stopping to rest. I know I can slow the progression...but again I think Why bother? I'm really not sure I want to live like this longer than I need to...why add another 2 yrs to the misery? I wish I new where others got their inner strength when dealing with something terminal. You hear stories all the time of how they "got up and went to earn the noble prize"....Where does it come from? I wish I knew cause I just don't seem to have it. And at my age, my brain says I'm young and single in the heart of New Orleans!! Why can't I go out and enjoy it? A lot of blame comes with COPD...I coulda..shoulda...woulda...and I'm working on that thru learning about my condition.

Shezbut.....I've tried to quit smoking several times and even tried the Chantix..again it has the same ingredient as anti depressents and makes my tounge and throat swell to where I feel like I'm swallowing my toungue...scary stuff. The thing about the meds and inhalers is that while your taking them it hides all the outer symptoms so that when you smoke you feel like you really don't have a problem...it becomes a viscious cycle until you try to do something that requires energy to remind you. Sad I know...I'm doing better, I was up to 2 packs a day and now have it back down to about half. Unless it's a bad day with the depression, then I'm back to smoking like a fiend. I've been checking out the boards here for help with that.

If your friend was smoking and using inhalers and coughing all the time, that's a llittle more than early stages...I know when I was last in the ER, and by my breathing test last week I'm already in stage III. One more to go for me...<another big sigh>

I just wish I could find a purpose to " keep on keeping on"....find that inner strength that others seem to have when faced with something like this. I called my doc yesterday to make an appt and discuss if there is ANYTHING new that might help the depression for me...maybe if I can get a grip on that to start, things might have a better perspective.

Wow...this got longwinded!! I'm sorry...I'm just sooo frustrated with myself after trying to do things yesterday