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Dec 03, 2009, 10:28 AM
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Member Since: Feb 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,269
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Hi MM,
I responded earlier to this post when you were in a more peaceful place. I shared with you my experience and told you that you're going to go through a myriad of emotions before you can ever reach the 'friends' stage. When it 1st happened to me, my emotions were too raw to jump right into be frinds - I didn't want to be friends at that moment -he was my enemy.
It's very normal to compare the emotions you are and will be feeling - like being on a wild roller coaster ride - where you'll feel many different emotions. One moment you'll feel so angry, the next moment you feel compassion for him. You're also searching for a reason why the marriage failed. Hearing he's just not 'in love' isn't good enough - your mind and heart needs more understanding than that. It's almost impossible to go from being husband/wife to being instant friends - yes you can be civil. In order to be friends you/ex need to work through your own emotions together and separately. Some former couples can never be friends- they just don't have the emotional maturity.
I think you need to take a break for now and just communicate in a civil manner for only necessary things. You need to heal the hurt in your heart before you can become friends. I understand how hard it is when you realize your partner does love you anymore. I hope your journey won't be as painful as mine was.
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