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I have felt like that, trust me. But there is always someone, who cares even if you don't want them to. It's hard when someone so close, is gone. But only remember the good time and try to forget the bad times. It's not a disease but can be called a mental illness. To me I call it a phase maybe a lesson even in life. Welcome to the forums by the way. Your first post and typing in a new forum can seem a lot to do. But I'm glad you let a bit of it out. There are others who had been through a silmar situation. Most of them have come through sadness. I believe you can too. If you want, you can PM me and talk a bit more about how you feel and depression so. I'm listening... This is very common depression and today there are loads of ways to help make depresion fade away. Therpy, support forums, therpy groups, websites, support hotlines, conselling, medication etc... Just remember everyone one of use is special and important as one another. Take care.