@Nuts thank you . I sort of agree that the forum is a good place to gather your thoughts and make a long rant like I did. I also use it to read in the different forums to see if anyone else is experiencing the same things and what they're doing to deal with it. But sometimes especially when very bad thoughts are flooding your world you need immediate attention. I'd use a hotline if I didn't have telephobia, and if I knew my step-dad didn't look at the numbers on phonebills and start asking a million questions. I haven't reached that pentacle to actually talk to the one person that used to stay up late with me at night talking to me about things that my own mom could never talk about. He still thinks a hug will fix everything hee hee. I love him but not enough to tell him that I want to hurt myself. Emphasis on want I've never acted on my thoughts.

@ Lonegal thank you, for the past few days it has been the same person. After writing the rant here I went ahead and made a complaint in front of the person. Someone else thought I was talking about them so I did something that I normally don't do because it's rude and generally frowned upon but I told that person who it was. The person was in the room and I decided "Now someone else knows I have back up and can do this". So I confronted the person about it in a kind supportive understanding way. We're good now actually. She admitted she does what I mentioned to her and I asked her what we could do to help her overcome her annoyance and that I'm going to try to not let it bother me anymore. So we practiced something she said she wanted help doing. We had a good laugh and we're friends now. I never did get that support I had needed at the time but I'm still here and I'll be okay.

@Rat/Dragon hee hee yes, I'm AvPD and I go in there and read a lot but get nervous about posting AvPDers pwn ourselves. So far the only place I actually feel comfortable posting in is the DD Board since at this time that is my main struggle even though I started off because of dysthymia and knowing that I'd be losing my T.

@BeautifullyMistaken awww well I hope to see you in chat when you're actually by your computer hee hee. I'm not an assertive person. It's not until I've fed someone enough of my frustration which he turns into anger then tries to force his way out do I even realize that my stress is so great that I'm going to explode. Then I know if I do finally say something it's going to not be me talking. I'm afraid of confrontation. I'm afraid to upset people. I'm afraid to say anything I think could hurt someone else. I was trembling when I typed that rant and before I posted it went back and made sure I didn't mention names out of respect of the people involved. Even then I was scared. It was with the help of others that got me okay with letting that person know that they stole my light and I wanted it back and what could we do to help them not do it again. Okay sorry this is kinda how my brain works one thought leads to another and eventually we're talking about sparkly squirrel vampires attacking trees for their nuts! Oh and thank you for reading the whole thing. I tend to run at the mouth as you can see.

@Rohag thank you