I feel like im sinking. Day by day just deeper and deeper into the clutches of a creature who's holding my leash. Nothing I'm trying is working and that only makes me sink deeper. My whole world went down the tubes in a matter of days and the only support I get is "get over it, it happens to everyone". I sit in this apartment thirsting for success and love, but find nothing but abandonment and a lack of understanding. Everyone around me thinks this is just something I can turn off and get back on with my life. Everyone thinks I'm making too big a deal out of it. People accuse me of not trying hard enough to find work. I have no support at all, no friends, no family that really understand. The one person who did understand me is also the catalyst that set me down this path. It's getting harder daily to find reason enough to motivate myself to do anything. I'm not getting better, I'm getting worse. It's so frustrating when you can see your emotions playing out right in front of your eyes but you're helpless to change them.

I had everything I could've ever wanted besides children and lost it all in the blink of an eye. How am I supposed to pretend that I'm not effected by that. How are we supposed to put on a fake smile while our insides are toxic. Why should I even try to get that feeling of love and happiness again if this is where I'll end up anyway.

Sorry, bit of a rant. I just feel very hopeless right now, and I get no support IRL so had to vent somewhere.