Sounds like transference to me. And I am not saying that in a way that makes light of it -- it is really hard to deal with.

I went through a long time (years) of that transference stuff, and I stayed so focused on my T. I feel like most of my therapy was me feeling like it was both too painful to be with her, and too painful to apart from her. Both hurt too much to bear.

You ask if you are going to therapy for the wrong reason. I think that for some people, that feeling is what therapy is about.

(I also think that folks who are susceptible to that feeling are the ones who can get really really damaged by therapy -- I think it takes a skilled therapist to steer a person through those emotional tangles, and not all therapists are that able.)

But that aside, my T told me that those feelings eventually go away. And although at the time I did not believe her, she was right. My T is still very dear to me, but the thought of her no longer obsesses me.

I am not sure how that happened. We did not talk too much about our relationship -- she was just sympathetic about how hard therapy could be. We just worked on other things, and as the rest of my life fell gradually into place, the transference issues eased.

Well, I'm just rambling, too, I think.

It gets better. Somehow.

-Far