I can really relate. I like to have a drink when I go out because it silences the nasty thoughts, you know, "You stupid cow, no one's listening to you/why are you bothering to talk/just shut up" voices in my head.

With T I have come to see that self-hate as a deep sense of shame which is a reaction to the abuse. That has helped me to be less attached to the feeling. I am working on saying, "I feel ashamed right now, and that's because the abuse taught me to see myself that way. But it's not true."

It's not a simple thing to do, and I do it imperfectly, but I'm working on it. I definitely hate myself less when I am able to think that way.

The hard part, for me, is that the idea of me being an awful person feels so true. It's really hard to trust that maybe that's not real.