((((((((((( safe Shadow hugs! ))))))) What you describe sounds like what my "angry" alter is going through as we are doing our trauma healing.

Take it slow and be gentle to yourself. T would help a lot. You need a T when you go through this level of healing. And we don't always get to pick when the trauma healing will happen in our lives. My last T told us we would go through this. He said the brain waits until it feals very safe before the trauma will process.

But my T today (after major flashback yesterday) told us that you only have to go through the real trauma healing once per item. But it has to be fully processed - and that means the anger and pain and the rest. Then your psych will release it in the healthy way. Having DID is like having the grieving process delayed in pieces. But you can heal... even if it is just one part and memory at a time.