Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMoon6
Jexa- I know you have written here about your social anxiety before, but you would not know that to read the thoughtful, caring and VERY insightful things you have to say. Of course, its on the computer and easy, but to me, you are popular here (!) and well spoken, articulate, friendly, very intelligent, and relaxed with well thought-out posts. What is inside, behind the anxiety, feezing and chattering teeth, is a very likable, fun and comfortable person., Id be your RL friend in a heartbeat.
Even if you'd say, well, I dont know you in person, I think after reading a couple of hundred posts from someone, you get a good idea! You, Jexa would be a great friend and a really amazing, fun and interesting person to have dinner with. I wish I could invite you out with my friends! Im not sure how you would get over feeling anxiety when with people, is it self-hate? Or something else? What do YOU think it is?
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Blue... thank you SO MUCH. I didn't mean to hijack your thread with my woes, I guess I sort of did that. But thank you so much - your post made my day. Popular? Me?
I do feel much more comfortable on the internet. If I could just get comfortable with people, maybe I would be the same in person instead of awkward jexa.
It is definitely self-hate. The voice in my head screams that everything I'm doing is wrong: I have the wrong facial expression, I'm standing the wrong way, I'm saying the wrong things, I'm not engaging enough, I'm not smart enough.. etc. It actually says "you", not "I." "YOU'RE NOT SMART ENOUGH, YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH." What's weird is that I'm fine at work socializing but not outside of work. The voice is much quieter when I'm at work. I think it's because I feel confident at my job since my job is in mental health, and I feel "in my element" talking to people about their struggles.
My T and I are working on my social fears with exposures, like "go out to a bar," "ask a shoe store clerk a question," "make a comment to a person in the elevator," etc. This is supposed to make me feel better eventually, while making me face the scary things and just let people see me tremble. She had social phobia in the past (and still is shy) so she's sympathetic, but assures me this will help in the long term.. I'm scared.