Skeksi, I really liked your post. What you wrote above ^ - the feelings are so true BUT they are a reaction to a past dysfunctional environment. What helped me to work through these sorts of things was understanding this very well (my specific situation, what I was feeling and why I was feeling it. IT was a reaction to specific situations in my upbringing.) With this thorough understanding you can unravel it.

Two things helped me with this type of stuff:

1) I came to the realization that no one around me is perfect. I had a lot of shame and this shame makes you want to be perfect, perfect to the point that isn't realistic. I started noticing that others aren't perfect and they don't feel bad about it. They stutter, they drop things, they trip, all sorts of things and for them it isn't a big deal. When I started acting like this a huge burden was lifted from me. Being real includes not being embarrassed about imperfections.........

2) I worked on my issues right in the moment (at a later date, after some unloading therapy - BlueMoon, it sounds like a great idea to notice what triggered you and then discuss this stuff with your therapist!). For me, I noticed my self worth dropping while in conversation with other women at parties (it never dropped with men. My dad wasn't ever a problem for me, my mom was). So what I did was when I would notice this happening I would tell myself "This woman isn't your mom. Your mom isn't here. This woman thinks nothing bad about you." This really worked for me. I was able to replace those ingrained reactions with new, healthy thoughts.