{{{{{{{{{{Kelly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} it's scary how much alike our situation is.

My T noticed my marks because I allowed him to - I wore short sleeve shirts and he immediately saw them. I couldn't have just come out with it either.

A suggestion? Going in voluntarily is alot better than being committed. It enables you to leave without going thru the courts and having issues. When I was brought in, without any cuts at all mind you - they were just going on my T's word that I was having suicidal thoughts - they gave me two choices: stay on my own and leave when we all agreed on it and not before then, or be committed to a state hospital and go in front of a judge and possibly be sent away for 6 months. All of this without any marks on me at all........I had everyone convinced that my T was just upset with me but they had to hold me. I stayed voluntarily. If they saw me now I'd never get out..........lol.

I am still at the end of my rope, but I am hanging on to it for now. I feel the same way you do and am very tired of my life in general - all areas. This is why my T sees me on a weekly basis plus emails and phone calls when needed. He has made himself available by phone to me anytime at all, esp. if I feel the need to cut.

I felt safer in the hospital to be honest. I was still depressed, since I was on diff meds then..........Prozac to be exact. My pdoc has since changed my meds to Effexor (after realizing finally how low I was and how serious). I had to go to mandatory activities, which didn't bother me.

When I was first brought in, I was on 10 min. checks. I am very good at pretending to people that I am fine, so I got around those. They monitor you closely, I met with the staff of the psych ward and they talked to me, discussed me and I had to await their decision about my "condition". I had them fooled well enough that the only thing keeping me there was my T. He knows me better and sees right thru me.

There are many times that I wish I was back in the hospital - simply to get myself pulled together without any outside stress piling up on me..........I know that at some point in time, I will do it again. I will be more selective of how I talk to my T so I am not stopped again. But for now, he is keeping me going by being so available to me.

No one needs to know. The hospital will not release any info to anyone......my records are not even in my normal file, so only the psych ward has them. If people call there looking for you, they will be told you aren't there, unless you give the hospital permission to say so. Don't let that stop you if you need the time to get your head on straight.

You're not a whiny brat (gee I tell my T I act like a spoiled brat......lol), you just need some help and input from others. That is not a bad thing. I think it would be a good idea if you are comfortable with it. It may very well work for you.

I'm glad you're here too.

Mary Alice