Children are so precious, and the greiving may go on for some time now. I know, I too, greive the loss of children that once called me their '..mom..' my friends kids they let me take over the parenting. when i criticized them neglecting my precious kids.. I was out of there..so I know, children are so innocent, so precious, so special, so everything!! I totally understand what you are going through. It sounds like you have a supportive therapsit, no? It took me a while to find one, so you are lucky. You cannot hold her or kiss her yet you can hold and kiss the memory you have of her, don't ever let the memory die. Too bad lies were involved, lies hurt. You are great you can support your brother even though his decision hurt you. Everything about your post shows you have insight, into your feelings, into theirs. God bless you, I will be thinking of you, we all care, and let us know how you are doing.