Junerain,
Imagine a love that comes to you without any judgment whatsoever; you do not have to do anything to qualify for it, you have already earned it and it is yours; all you have to do is walk up to the table and take it.

Imagine a love that is sitting on your nightstand day and night, in a beautiful gold filigree egg, you can see a tiny slit of light coming from it along the opening around the middle and the hinge in the back. When you are lying in your bed, feeling alone, abandoned, worthless, less than human, unloved, misunderstood, guilty, evil, unworthy of love, or whatever is making it hard for you to love yourself and/or go to sleep, know that you can reach over and open up the gold filigree egg and the beautiful shining light of perfect love will envelope you and take away all of those negative bogus feelings and wrap itself around you and you will feel perfect true love and know that you are valuable and perfect and loved in perfection.

Imagine the gold filigree egg has within it a beautiful white satin cloth. The cloth has a tiny corner and if you pull on the corner, out comes a beautiful, flowing fully winged angel. She smiles at you and tells you that she is your guardian angel and she has been with you all your life but has never met you until now because the time has never been right. There is a saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." She is YOURS! Just for you! All of us have one. They all don't come in filligree eggs but we can be in contact with them. I am in that process right now. She can help guide you into the life you want and you can begin by meditation and asking her advice about things. You also have others helping you, too. You only need to pray, meditate, and listen to the answers.
　
Junerain, I'm no nutcase. This stuff is real. It works. And it can change your life. I get the feeling you are wanting that for yourself at this time. I hope this helps.