My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years turned my life upside down a month ago, when he announced that his ex-wife wanted to try to make their relationship work again after being divorced 5 years. I guess neither one of them really ever completely closed the door on their relationship. But he and I were very close, we were about to move in together and everything was going great with us. I was( am) so in love with this man and had complete trust in him. I am still reeling from the shock, it happened completely unexpectedly.
I am grieving, big time, and still trying to come to grips with what happened. He tells me still loves me and that he doesnt want to lose me. We cried together and he begged me not to turn my back on him.
He still calls and we have seen each other a few times (no sexual contact) but as time goes on, I realize more and more how wrong it was, what he did. It was like he wanted to look into the possibilty of making it work with his ex ( although they had a very dysfunctional marriage) but didn't want me to go away. I am the one who has had to draw the line and tell him we can not be hanging out together (even as "friends") right now.
I refuse to be in a triangle or share him with anyone.
I don't think he is deliberately trying to have both of us, but he just doesn't want to lose me either.
Well after a great deal of pain and grief and complete shock at what he did....he basically ruined what was a really great relationship between us...because things can never be the same again....I am starting to see things more relaistically and I see that I need to stop talking to him and seeing him altogether and I need to own the fact that what he did was really callous even though he tries to sugar coat it.
I am in counseling and it's helping me to look at the situation more objectively, but the pain is still so intense....I miss what we had so badly.
I alternate between longing to be with him and being really disgusted with him for being so selfish and callous of my feelings.
I have decided to stop pretty much all contact and get on with my life. He says he knows we will get back together, he calls, etc....and I am seeing more and more that I am allowing him to treat me with disrespect by continuing to communicate and spend time with him. I am working on letting go, and I told him that. It has been a month of complete emotional hell and I know I still have a long way to go before I heal from this.
I feel like, I had placed so much trust in him and he let me down so badly, that I am just sick to death of investing in relationships, they always come to a bad end for me. I don't know if I have it in me to do this again, ever.