((((((CK23)))))) If God were that upset with you, he wouldn't be doing this to punish you. there are a lot of people out there in the world far worse than you who get off scotch free until the last judgement so I don't think you are so horrible that you are being forced to live alone all your life. It's the depression talking. Mr. Depression loves letting you think you deserve misery as some kind of wierd punishment. It's not true. Please believe me, it is not true. God is not your enemy. Depression is.
Hang in there, dear. I know it's tough, but keep slugging.