I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who posted, and reminded me that I still exist someplace in the world... Because I'm prone to forget that life is something worth cherishing when I become a temperamental mess.

I'm feeling really out of control with my eating, but there's no one I can talk to about it. I fasted for a couple days, then started binging again today. I'm just going around in circles, I guess. But I'm ashamed of what I'm doing and I'm ashamed of lying to everyone all the time. Some days I just become so irrational and emotional, and that's usually when I binge... I don't binge in a systematic way like I fast/restrict.

At least I can say what I want right now in a coherent, intelligible way today, even though I binged pretty badly... I guess I just wanted someone, somewhere, to know what I'm doing. I know it's wrong, I know it's unhealthy... I wish I could just be normal about food and my weight although, as of right now, I don't think that will ever happen.