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If Im buying a quanitiy of a binge food Im headed for a binge . All binges are a desiscion.
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I never really thought of it that way before, and I think you're right. I bet I've known all along, and never wanted to really admit it--it requires self-discipline and responsibility. It's a lot easier to say "it's out of my control. I can't do anything about it." That way, I'm shifting the blame; it's not
my fault. But binging
is a choice. I'm not really responsible for the food in my house, but I used to give my mom grocery lists for "health foods" when I was younger. Now, most of our food is from the food bank, so it's pre-packaged rice, pasta, caned foods, and bread. When I'm on my own it won't be such a struggle, but right now, there's some small things I can do to try to have myself and my entire family eat a little healthier...
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What would happen if you were to talk to anyone IRL? Are there any adults at all that come to mind? (And it would be great if you could feel, or continue to feel, comfortable talking here.)
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I guess the only adults I'm really close to are my parents, but... My dad had a stroke last year, and I'm not sure if he would really understand. I don't know if he'll take it seriously because he's so different now (personality-wise, anyways). Really, I'm in more of the position of caring for him rather than the other way around. But I used to talk to him about stuff before all that happened.
And my mom... I don't think she'd believe me at
all. She thinks I'm the "healthy" one. And if she
did take it seriously, she'd overreact. Also, she's a blabber-mouth, and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about
anything. I love my mom, but when I had a depressive episode some years back, she told her friend about it, who confronted
me about it... She also told others when my brother was hospitalized for Schizophrenia. When my dad was in the hospital after his stroke, she presented our family as some charity-case, which
I thought was pretty embarrassing... We really don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things--she doesn't mind begging for money and spends impulsively whereas I prefer being self-sufficient and tend to be "tightfisted"; it's more of a personality thing, really.
Honestly, I'm so scared even posting anonymously online that I usually type responses and delete them over and over again...
