Junerain, what I wrote above simply has to do with a way that I am learning to access God and His love at this time. I think that the first time it ever truly came to me was back when I was in AA when someone said to me something that was very powerful and means a lot to many people.

There are a lot of people who are raised to believe that God is strict, vengeful, judgmental, all that "hellfire and damnation" stuff. I was taught something similar. What I was told was to take the "Daddy face" off of God. In other words, God is not like our fathers. He is not the strict, judgmental, vengeful, critical, damning, harsh, and sometimes cruel being that our other fathers were. We have to learn and believe that everything that we want and need from a loving father, that is what God is. And He has always been here for us. Also, as Sky aluded to, He is so much more than we can imagine.

The example I gave in the paragraph above was something very simple, because that's an adventure I'm going through at the moment. Angels don't always show up in filigree eggs. That was for effect! But they are real and are here. And so are spirit guides. And Archangels. These other-worldly entities are here to help us live better in this world. They help God help us.

What does all of this have to do with you, Junerain? It means that you have lots of help out there. You have already made up your mind that you want to change. That's the important part. Simply know that you have all kinds of helpers out there, ready to give you a hand. The kind of guy you seek is out there.