I've had time to think this over, & I've decided that I'm not going to go today. That may seem very selfish to some of you, but I have to take care of myself right now. The last thing I need is to see my dad there crying, or to run into my siblings there, from whom I am estranged & that is more stressful to me than anything. I don't have to go to the cemetary to be with her- she is always w/ me in my heart. I will visit her grave on my birthday, which is in a few days. She was the only person in my life who I feel loved me, to some extent, so I want to be w/ her on that day. Even tho she won't know I'm there, I will. Anyway, if anyone has any advice on how to deal w/ what I've written in the above post (other than the obvious-see a therapist), I'd appreciate it. Thanks.