i don't want to live anymore - yet again. i want to be dead. i want somebody to drop an airplane on me. i want to leave my church & abandon all my friends because i'm tired of putting them through this.

i hate this disease. i hate the CONTINUED and FREQUENT instability - up & down, up & down, without let up. i was in a depression for what felt like a long time, and then i had a hypomanic episode & felt great. it felt wonderful! a little scary, but good. & now i'm back to this crap again.

i hate me. i hate this disease. i hate life. i can't do this anymore. i don't want to do this anymore. the next step is "i WON'T do this anymore." i don't have a plan, i don't have a method, i don't have a time or a location. i just want to die.

nothing you can do, thanks for listening.

Stupid
Ugly
Senseless
And
Neverending
(susan)