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Originally Posted by Rapunzel
I don't have DID, but have frequently had dissociative symptoms. T started doing some ego state work with me once, but it has been years and she hasn't brought it up again and to me it feels like claiming something that somehow I'm not entitled to if I bring it up again.
There is a part of me that babbles in just nonsense sounds, but they definitely seem to relate to particular emotions. When I am around only family or someone I know very well and I'm not afraid of them thinking that I'm crazy or something, sometimes the noises are like the happy cooing and jargan talk that you hear from babies that haven't learned to talk yet. I think that this is also the part of me that meows to the cats and barks to the dogs and maaas to the goats, but I'm not sure. The animal noises are a bit more connected to me and conscious and controlled. The baby noises just happen.
I am aware of it, and can stop it if I want to, but it doesn't feel like me. I can even acknowledge the noises and comment about them, with or without stopping the noises. The part of me that makes baby noises has a name. She is called Heidi. I don't think that she has language, but I have known her name for several years, and maybe since I was a child. I think that she is very young, or maybe even part animal. I have been letting her 'talk' more than I used to, rather than silencing her all the time. I have been more aware of her lately too. She hasn't ever talked to T. I don't know if that is because she hasn't wanted to, or because I haven't let her. She is a lot more talkative when I am tired and going to sleep.
Sometimes she makes angry noises too, but only when I am completely alone, like when I am driving in my car. Sometimes she shrieks! I almost said she screams, but I don't ever scream and don't think that I can, and she is part of me, so probably can't either. And sometimes it feels like anger, and other times it feels more like embarassment.
Any thoughts or ideas about what this is, or what to do with/about it? Has anyone else experienced anything similar? I don't know of anyone else having this.
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when this kind of thing happened to me my therapist first had me go to the doctors to make sure it wasn't terrettes syndrome because terrettes is blurting out noises words and phrases uncontrolably. then when all tests showed I was physically normal she told me its my unconsciousness telling me something is lacking in my life. She said it was called experiencing the inner child concept, Adult Parent Child theory and introjects depending on the situation. Theres a thread around here someplace that talks about introjects but briefly its when someone takes things from other people and incorporates that in their own way of being. The inner child concept and parent adult child theory is that everyone has times when they feel like a child reacting as a child. since its not like an alter taking control and it only happens at certain times and I had a certain amount of control over it like only doing it when I was alone, in her office, with babies and animals its a learned thing that can be undone. she told me to listen to other adults and watch what they do around animals and babies. what do they do? start cooing to the baby they are holding and imitating animal noises that go along with that animal. Somewhere as a child I picked up on it being perfectly normal to do these things because I saw others doing it. to make it stop happening all I had to do is continue to control it like I do when I'm in situations where I know it should not happen. If I can control it when I am in church then I can control it when I am alone. its just a matter of making that decision. Then we talked about why I allow it to happen when I'm alone or in certain situations so that I could better understand why I'm doing it. For me it was because the rest of my life was so serious business like and controlled that I felt the only time I could relax was when I was alone or with animals or babies. After I understood that I started making a point of scheduling some down time to relax, journal, draw and when around people I started being a part of the fun stuff like yesterday a friend called and asked me if I wanted to come over and decorate the tree with her family. Instead of saying no I said sure and stopped at the store and bought a can of silly string and canned sno. Instead of remaining controlled and serious I purposely pulled out the silly string and sno and allowed myself to have fun decorating windows, the tree and my friend and her family. on purpose we had a silly string fight. It wasnt my inner child/introject doing it, it was me doing it. and for the rest of the day I had no uncontrolled animal noises, baby babble, swearing.
My suggestion is call your doctor so you can find out if this is a physical problem and tell your therapist what is happening so that you and your therapist can find out whats going on and why its happening because we cant tell you what your problem is, what it is for you or why its happening to you. thats called diagnosing you and we cant do that on line can we.
