Yeah, I know what you mean. It's too easy for me to get irritable and frustrated with my kids, and not feel very in-control. I've gone a little farther with discipline sometimes than I think I should have, and then feel really bad about it. Sometimes I resorted to hurting myself in order to keep myself from getting out of control. I learned certain situations where I just needed to back out and let hubby handle it instead - like cleaning their rooms - I got too mad and could not stay in there. I hate it when I yell at them, and it's even worse when they pick it up and are yelling at each other.

While I wouldn't say that spanking in and of itself is abuse, there are better ways to discipline, which we aren't learning if we resort to spanking. I also feel that anyone with an abuse history or probably any mental illnesses, particularly trauma-related, probably should not use spanking because of the risk of taking it too far.

Still, we had to learn how to discipline and what works for us and what doesn't. Nobody is a perfect parent, and maybe we think we should have learned from our parents' mistakes, but it doesn't work that way. If you had less than ideal role models, how could you possibly not make some mistakes yourself? You will not find any children anywhere whose parents never made mistakes with them. Your children are blessed with a mother who loves them very much, enough to worry about whether she has done the best she could. If you care enough to ask the questions about whether you are a good parent, and you're willing to face the possibility that maybe you have room for improvement, that tells me that you are a good mother. You care, and you do the best that you can, and you want to do better. You're a good mom, and a good girl and a good person and you are loveable. I know you - you have gone above and beyond the call of duty to be a good mother to your children. I know that you love them. You are wonderful.