Thank you for posting! I appreciate your comments and they helped me think. Well:
salukigirl: Thanks! I do think of the situation from his point of view. This is why 14 months down the line (from our engagement) and 5 years down the line (when I knew I wanted to marry him) I am still with him without being married. Yes, I can see how arguments and little / big things may bring flash backs of previous rough relationships but I think after 6.5 years of knowing each other he pretty much knows who I am, how different I am from his controlling ex and how devoted I am to him and our relationship. I cant help but feeling that there is some thing he may not be telling me about his reason not to get married. When I try to talk I only get 'now is a bad timing' 'other priorities right now' 'dont want to talk' 'yes i want to marry you but in a few months'. To me this is now crossing the line and to an extent abusive in the sense that he promises and then blows it. I need the marriage for many reasons and I do not kid myself that it will change our relationship. To me its about commitment, acceptance and unity. Certainly not for the wedding and the experience but that would be lovely too because we love one another. We are planning to have a baby and idealy I would like to be married before. On many levels (friendship, emotional, sexual commitment, etc) the relationship is enough. But because he proposed and now does not 'deliver' I feel cheated and perhaps used.
Yoda: I know what you mean and I am sorry it did not work out. In our case we have known each other many years and seen the best and worst of one another and I know we will never want to be apart.
KathyM: Many thanks. Your note made just a bit clearer. I am really pleased you found happiness and true friendship the second time round. I certainly do not want to pressure my man but also feel I have to do the right thing for myself. I now spent the last few days just being normal and not discussing the wedding or plans. I am thinking of writing him a letter with my thoughts and feelings and maybe its time for both of us to face the reality that what we want is not the same. Although I am not even sure about that... I think his fear are not rational... Thats why I am so confused. Thanks for the support. It does help xx