(((((((((paintingravens)))))))))))))
Question: In the future, would you consider finding another more healthy way to deal with your emotions and stressors, rather than engaging in self injury or cutting? What is the good news in this post? How was your date?
Do you have a therapist at all? Or a doctor? If you don't have a therapist, PLEASE find one that can help you to deal with this in a better manner.
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so i knew it was probably bad for me, but I just needed it to level out before I met up with him, and to be perfectly honest, I don't regret it. At all. I mean, yes, there is a bit of guilt for it, but it didn't come til much later, and i would NEVER have done it differently.
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That is what the addiction would like to have you believe, that you can use it and "walk away" from the behaviour whenever you want. But that's not at all true, sadly. I would hope for you that eventually you do something more healthy for yourself instead of self injuring. It is possible to survive without it, it's just really hard to initially stop.
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After I cut--and I've noticed that I'm able to cut a bit deeper, more easily recently, and I think I'm making more and more cuts each time--as I watched all the blood run down my leg
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This is NOT NOT NOT good. Deeper cuts lead to permanent nerve damage, potentially cutting muscle or potentially bleeding to death. Please, if you're going to cut, if it requires medical help - find a doctor you trust. It is not something to take lightly and you risk a blood infection if it's not treated.
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I definitely believe it helped me last night, it had a visibly practical, useful purpose, and i say it outweighs the guilt for this slip-up.
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If you feel even remotely guilty for this, then there is something wrong with the behaviour and that part of you knows that the behaviour is not healthy and not at all good. Self injury is not practical, it may seem reasonable at times, but it is not practical. It's also not healthy and is self destructive. It may be "useful" for you right now, but I sincerely hope you'll seek help to find other ways to cope with this.
I know I may sound harsh, but I'm doing it out of love and caring for you. I was in the same spot, and it is not a healthy nor good place to be. Please don't put your life in danger, you deserve more than that.