I've had very low self esteem almost my entire life. When I was in school, my grades were suffering and I was acting out. The school sent me to a couple of doctors and a therapist to see if there was an issue. They had a meeting with my parents and said that I have extremely low self esteem and it's effecting my school work. I guess at that point my parents should have done something but they never did. I worked a little bit harder to get my grades to passing and continued to feel the way I did.

I've tried to make it better but I can't. I feel like at this point in my life (almost 30) I should feel better but I don't. Actually I feel worse. I've talked to my fiance about it and he thinks I should go to therapy. He thinks the issue is more than he can help with and it might be a good idea to talk to someone. Maybe someone can help me focus my thoughts in a different direction since I can't control them. He also believes that by doing something that uses my creative might be a way to help even though I'm not creative at all. He thinks I'm very creative but I"m not sure where he even gets that from.

Now I'm deciding if I should listen to him or just do it on my own. Maybe get some books and see if I can do it alone. I'm slightly embarassed to go to a therapist. I don't know why but I feel like they will laugh at me or tell me I'm over reacting. I don't even know where to begin or how to find one.