(((((((((((((((A Long Way))))))))Wow, old son, that was a lot. I think it is good that you can still differentiate between the stuff you can do something about and the stuff you can't. All too often people get so depressed they think they can take the blame for the destruction of Pompeii.

Seriously, now, I know too many people who honestly believe that if you only try "hard enough" everything will work out. So, if it doens't work out, then it's becasue you haven't tried. My parents were once big time fans of that philosophy. Until I was diagnosed with depression. Until my sister was bullied into leaving her job at the hospital in our town because she made some stupid administrator feel incompetent. Until my mom's best friend did herself in and I was diagnosed as having the same illness. Until my son was born with autism. Suddenly it didn't look like it was only a question of competence or character or the lack there of. They had to wake up to the cruel reality that #¤%& happens inspite of our best efforts, and blame laying is unhelpful. Some people never learn this, hon. See, that way they can look down on those who have it rough and see themselves as just generally wonderfull when things go right.

We all know that it is rough to find work nowadays, or we should know that. There are people who go for very long stretches without work in spite of having good resumés and pounding the pavement. It's not impossible, but it's going to take a lot more time. You aren't going back to the past just because you are having a hard time finding work. Unless i missed something big, it doesn't seem like a fair analysis of the situation. Was SHE working at this point?

Along way, sometimes one does get a bad hand of cards and one plays them as best one can. If that means that for a while you have to move in with your mom for a bit, then OK. It's not a defeat as much as it is a change of tactic to better handle the situation as it is. I am NOT just playing with words. You've come a long way. Please don't beat yourself up until you give up. There is actually a lot of flife out ther for you to live. Huggs, hon, and good luck for reals, now.