i guess i'll start by saying he was the first guy i have ever loved. I let him in and shared ith him my deepest fears and secrets things i thought i could never tell anyone i tol him. We dated for 8 months to some it might not sound long but it was also my longest relationship.we were on and off during those 8 months because he cheated on me twice. Once after i gave him my virginity. That one hurt but i loved him and took him back. He was special to me. After that he was the most caring attentive boyfriend ever he had cried in front of me just sobbing he was so scared of losng me and i wasn't wanting to leave him eiter so i forgave him again. I was moving away to college and he was taking a year offand was stressed about me leaving but we had talked about how to make it work. One day we were having a stupid arguement about somethng i can't even remember now and he called it off. this time he was for real. He ignored me almost all summer near the end of the summer he started telling me we could hang out and every weekend i waited for him only to have him say he had decided to go do something else. I found out he had been talking to another girl. i wanted to die but he had started seeing me again and promised me he wasn't going to be with her. We've been broken up for almost 6 months now but i've gone to see him almost every weekend since school started. It was like we were still together except he wouldn't go out in public with me. He said his new friend would be really hurt because she really liked him and she seemed sweet so i agreed. I met a guy at school and this was during a time when my ex had been blaming me and getting mad at me for things that shouldn't even matter like why i didn't call him. This new guy was so sweet so i went out with a few times casually. I didn't really like him but he made me feel good. we kissed a few times that was it before i called it off. i couldn't do it, it felt wrong. I told my ex who got super pissed he said it was practically cheating and that he couldn't trust me anymore. i've been faithful to him since then(Almost 3 months since i it happened.) he still says he can't be with me but him and this other girl are hanging out alot. i told him to stop playing with me and just go date her but he says he can't because he still wants me but at the same time doesn't. i'm so confused and hurt and i feel like the world is just going to collapse around me. i can't hurt him. but i can't keep pretending i'm ok every time i bring it up he won't talk about it. i feel trapped i love him and know its probably best to let go but i can't and it seems nether can he. if anyone can give me any advice or words of encouragement or explain why he's doing this to me i would appreciate it. sorry for making it so long.