Hi all. Thanks for the encouraginging pm's. Thats why I don't turn off the pm. I have learned for every downer pm there is usually double and triple that for the good. Sometimes when I am down or had a bad day I look in my pm's and see that I am worth fighting for my sanity and safety for. Today for example. Not feeling too good because I had a meeting with my lawyer and found out what the DHS caseworker should have been telling me about my son - he's not just saying he will run away from the placements (right now residential treatment) he is actively running. not only that he is acting out suicide attempts. I know my son will come home some day but I don't want it to be in a box.. anyway I just got back from seeing my therapist and stopped here at the library and saw my pm's You both made my day litterally. Maybe as I get to know people my standards of pm's will change with people like you both around.

Over the years of therapy and groups on line and real world and public life style I am asked does anything scare you off? and I say well lets think about that. I WAS an abuse victim and now I AM a survivor. I went up against a 6 ft plus guy who weighed well over 450 pounds. and going into a prison and confront an almost 6 foot 180 pound guy who said his 2 year old daughter wanted it because she kept taking of her clothes is supposed to scare me - Hell yes I was scared but the reality is his offense was going to only keep him in prison 3-5 years. by this time I knew I didn't survive the terrors of my childhood to hide under the bed. NOTHING now scares me to the point where I back down from doing what is right as a past caseworker found out. Past becasue she tried harrassment and I reported her. She tried lying about me and I confronted her during court hearings where she would have to tell the truth. She breached the federal law HIPPA in my case and I again went to bat against her and requested an investigation. She was taken off my case, placed on administrative leave while her complete caseload was investigated and the end result she was fired and can not work for tthis states DHS agency's in the whole state. Was I scared you bet I was. but I also know for her to have gone the lenghts she did on my case she most likely did it to others.

For me sometimes fear actually works in my favor for it makes me want to fight basically keeps me working full spead ahead instead of my getting stuck in a loop.