Don't feel embarrased, therapists have heard everything under the sun, and they won't laugh at you. I see a therapist for self-esteem issues, and it is very beneficial. To find one, maybe you could get a referral from your doctor? Seeking therapy is often the hardest part, but once it's done you'll be glad you did. A quote from a book I read - "therapy is for the person who realizes she could be happier, and that the help of a trained professional could help her find that happiness" Talking to someone could help you a lot. If you do decide to seek therapy, I hope you find one who is caring and supportive of you In the mean time, keep writing if it helps xx