Thanks, everyone!
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Originally Posted by theave
Maybe, if your T thinks that your relationship with her mirrors your relationship as a child with your mother, that you don't see that she is sometimes stuck for words, just as a child rarely questions what a mother says?
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That could be - I told T that it wasn't like I was going to stop her mid-sentence and ask that we not talk about something before I knew what she was going to say, if it was meaningful - she kinda laughed at that. The last few minutes of the session were just a jumble of confusion!
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Your story has to be one of the most touching sessions I have ever read about.
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exotic, that means so much - I've read some incredibly touching accounts from very emotional sessions on these boards.
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I think your T is seeing a part of herself that is responding to you as counter-transference, who know it could be her as a mother or maybe her as a daughter, there is probably some kind of dynamic at play. I think it was obvious in the previous stuff that happened with her and you. I am not sure if she should be thinking this out loud in front of you. Therapy should be about you, not her reactions. She should deal with those on her own. You can see how it did take away from the amazing job you did tonight. This should have been all about you and deserved a nice ending to that.
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I definitely agree that whatever is going on with T must be some counter-transference at work. I'm very grateful that T wants to try so hard to figure out what it is. And while I do agree that I deserved a nice ending tonight, I am glad that T does point out her reactions to me, to a degree. My T is a big believer in paying attention to how she's responding to me as a way of telling how others relate to me, and I agree with that. She did apologize and said she didn't want to unload on me. I just wish she hadn't told me all about that tonight, so we'd have more time to talk about it, and so I could've stayed with my focus on letting out this sadness.
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And it wasn't ME, it was HIM right then, and it was helpful to know that - it took a huge weight off of my shoulders.
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Tree, that helps - I started questioning myself after the session - was it something that I did that made T react that way? But I really think it was her. I am feeling angry, though - here we had this huge moment of connection, something I've fantasized about happening - and then it happens, and then T tells me that I should be disappointed in her because she keeps letting me down?
We have a lot to talk about on Wednesday!
The upside, as
Tree pointed out, is that both of these events did happen (thank you,
Tree) - one doesn't take away from the other. I had the courage to release those emotions, scary as that was. AND a huge part of tonight was that T was there for me, every step of the way, and gave me everything I asked for - she listened, she held me, she sat next to me. That is HUGE. Like
MUE wrote, I do feel so fortunate to have a T who will give me all of those things.
