First of all, . That sounds like a REALLY rough situation. And I can't say that I understand all of what you are feeling/ going through. I do know the general emotions though. My father has spent my entire life in and out of jail for heroin/dealing/armed robbery/etc. My two step fathers have been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive. I used to cut all the time in high school and I still struggle with it a lot in college. My mother expects nothing less than the best grades out of me... and I do struggle with chronic depression. I don't have any advice, per se, but I do want you to know that you are not alone! We are all in a constant struggle against SI (I am also a cutter.) Like you said, you can go for months, or even a year without doing it, but then s*** hits the fan and you can't think of any other way to cope. It's not because you are weak. Cutting is something that people are driven to. You a. I hope that re not a loser, no matter what your father may say. Do you have a counselor at all? Or any confidants that know about your struggle with cutting? I know that I have one friend that I call/ IM when I feel like cutting and she distracts you. If you don't have any friends that you feel comfortable sharing this with, try writing. There is a list on this forum of possible alternatives to cutting. Some of them may be helpful to you.

Once again, I hope that you are able to find a little bit of peace and healthy release! If you want to talk more, feel free to PM me!