Good morning,
exotic and
lily!
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Originally Posted by exoticflower
I am thinking your T does know how significant yesterday was for you in session. It was a very emotional session, a very touching session for both of you. I think she was feeling some real emotion towards you that must have really got to her on a level she didn't expect. I think it was overwhelming for her and that is why in the end, she just got out of her role. I see it in my T sometimes, it is hard to work with this kind of stuff on this level without feeling for a client. Maybe it is healing her too, to give herself to you like she did yesterday, I think sometimes therapy is a two way street. I think today will clear that up for you I hope. I hope she can feel okay about her feelings for you, and not go cold on you or pull away. (that is what my first T would do because it caught him off guard)
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Exotic, thank you for that perspective. I've been wondering if it was something I did. I absolutely want to ask T at my next session what she felt when she was holding me - I think it's very fair of me to ask that, given she opened up about her reactions to me. I want to know when she felt at a loss of words, and when she felt that she let me down - because in those moments when I just let go, and let her comfort me - she did not let me down, just the opposite.
But I was wondering if she didn't feel the connection like I did... it never occurred to me that she might have felt it more than she anticipated. T did tell me yesterday, before I let out the sadness, that it would be good for me to see her as just another person, and not as my therapist, as far as me worrying what is appropriate - she said she'd let me know when I ask or want or do something that's inappropriate. She said she's human, and she reacts like any human does... so maybe you are spot on,
exotic! I really don't see her pulling away, though - she's been so honest so far with her feelings, which I truly do appreciate, so I hope she keeps that up. And I wish my session were today, but it's tomorrow evening, unfortunately!
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I'd love to be just held. It sounded very safe
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lily Yes, it felt very safe - I felt very protected, though I'm not sure from what.
I'm glad you get good hugs from your T!